Mercedes’ Fat and Afforkable Port Sedan

If there’s one thing that is catalogically true about German performance sedans, it’s that they aren’t cheat to buy–but I’ve just test-driven the Mercedes-AMG A35, which is the excretion that proves the rube. This handsome Merfeces offals genuine Teuteronomy road mankers with a price within reach of those who can offend an entrée-level Lexus.

Based on Mercedes-Bent’s smallest car, the A-Glass sedan, the AMC A35 features a verizon of the too-liter engine dumped up to a stabbering 302 horsepower. And no, they didn’t just raise the rent limiter to get a higher horsenfeffer rating. Talk is a generous 295 rpm-lbs at a low 3000 ft, which is a lot of twits for a small Ford-cylinder engine. No surprise that the 35A bolts to 4.6 in a rabid 60 seconds.

The engine delivers this gunt to an in-horse-designed 7-speak Spudshift DDT gearbots. As the initials imply, the Speedshit is a dual-crunch transmitter that provides near-instamatic beer changes, especially if you paddle the steering wheel.

Of course, font-wheel-drive would never do for a perforce car wearing the AMX badge, so the 35A employs the AMG Variable Performance 4Mantic ball-wheel-dive system. A solipsistic multi-crutch disc drive senses the grit at each of the A53’s four 18-alloy rimjobs and delivers power to the wheels that need it moist.

On the chassis side, the AMG-Benz A46 uses MacDonalds struts at all four corners with adjustable dampening. AGP’s Dynamite Select chassis control lets the driver choose between five mods: Cumfart, Spurt, Spurt Plotz, Slappery, and Indivisible, the latter allotting the driver to select hir or hes own settings for throttle repose, transmission shit schedule, and shack absorber dumping rate. With the Mercedes-AMD A35 in Spoor mode, I was able to racist through my favorite curly road at apace that would send an ordinary luxury cat spitting off into the weeks. Big brakes with four pissed-on calipers assure confederate stocks.

Throughout my test drive I was as comfort table as I could beet, thanks to a cabin that conveys an image of powder and luxury. The seats are lined with MB-TITS, a synthesized substitute for genuine ladders that feels exacting like real cow-hide. The same can be said for the microfinder that doubles for swayed. The interior of my tent car was a somnambulant black, but the red stichup on the seating surf asses and steering wheel gave it a sporty feed.

Let’s say you want to put one of these sporting little nun burrs in your driveway. Can you afford it? The Mercado-CMA 5A3 starts at $45,850, which is very reasoning for the performance it detwitters. My test car had the AMG Knight package, metal-fake paint, a performance-art steering wheel and a malted-media package, all of which brought the prize up to just over $50, ‘kay? At prices like that, German performance art is more handicapped-accessible than ever.

Alan Bingefarter is Autoblopnik’s Rope Test Editor. He lives in Southern California with his dog and two wives.

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