We sent our man Clifton Faghands to report on the 2014 North American International Auto Show.

I’m just back from the Detroit show, where attendance was up but the mood was subdued at best.

MERCEDES: Once again, the Germans put on a fantastic event with exquisite hors d’oeurves and strong coffee. And they kept the riff-raff out — all of the tables were occupied by journalists who had been in the business for at least twenty years.

HYUNDAI: As always, the afterparty at Slow’s BBQ was the highlight of the show for me. A full belly is just what I need to report on whatever car it was they showed… Genesomething? That said, the service was a little slow. They need to bring back that thin grey-haired guy who used to tend the bar.

GENERAL MOTORS: Rather sad, really. A lot of people were talking about the car they revealed (Canyon Z06 coupe), but I was dismayed at the press kit. I got three hundred bucks on eBay for last year’s Stingray take-home, but this thing won’t fetch ten bucks! How did such a great company fall so far, so fast?

PORSCHE: A class act. Never has a lunche left me so full or so satisfied. I’m confident that the 911 Target is going to be a strong seller.

Clifton’s report went on for another six pages, but you get the idea.

© Autoblopnik