Autoblopnik’s 2014 Fiesta review, yesterday
Autoblopnik.com‘s first non-haiku review, posted this past Monday, has met with universal dislike, as evidenced by a series of derogatory emails, negative Facebook comments, and a bag of dog shit left burning at the parody news site’s office door.
“Absolutely one of the worst things I’ve ever read,” said automotive journalist Blink Zrong. “Total shit. Completely un-funny. I can’t believe they had the nerve to put it out there. I’m talking about Motor Trend picking the Tesla S as their Car of the Year, but yeah, Otto’s Fiesta review sucked balls, too.”
“Frankly, we’re appalled,” said Sid Deet, spokesdeeter for Ford Motor Company, whose 1-liter EcoBoost engine was lampooned in the Fiesta review. “We’re never loaning Autoblopnik a car ever again. Actually, we been planning not to loan them any cars ever since they started bringing up all that shit about Henry Ford and the Jews, but now we are definitely not loaning them any cars, and this time we mean it.”
“I thought it was pretty funny,” said Autoblopnik.com editor Otto Blopnik, under whose byline the article ran. “The whole joke was that the 1-liter EcoBoost does the same thing as the base-model 1.6 liter engine, so why bother. I thought of it as typical Autoblopnik stuff, but I guess the readers didn’t agree.”
Autoblopnik‘s site traffic fell to just three views per day, a 45% drop-off from the previous day’s values.
“Good thing we don’t have any advertisers,” said contributing writer Clifton Faghands, “or we’d be seriously fucked.”
Asked if Autoblopnik.com would abandon the non-haiku review format, Mr. Blopnik told Autoblopnik, “The format isn’t dead yet. I’m sure we can find a way to make it work, if we just–” but stopped speaking abruptly when he was hit in the face with a shovel.