Ford announced that it will counter the upcoming Dodge Challenger Hellcat with a new version the Mustang to be called the Heavenferret.
Spokesferret Jay Soncampeight described the Mustang Heavenferret’s engine as a twin-turbocharged, quad-supercharged 7.5 liter V8 producing “eight hundred plus” horsepower and “I’m not sure but whatever it is it’ll be more than Dodge” lb-ft of torque.
Soncampeight said the new Mustang Heavenferret will get from 0-60 in about 4.5 seconds. When told that the Challenger Hellcat has a preducted 0-60 time under four seconds, Soncapmeight said, “In that case, the Hevenferret does it in three point five. No, you know what? The Mustang Heavenferret is always going 60 MPH. It doesn’t have to accelerate to 60 because it’s already going 60. All the time.”
He then added, “Let’s see those Eye-talians beat that.”
Asked about the Heavenferret name, Soncampeight explained that ferrets tend to be owned by young, trendy, forward-thinking individuals, while cat people tend to suffer from low self esteem, unfulfilling personal relationships, and chronic Toyota ownership.
“Besides,” he said, “the new Mustang kind of looks like a ferret.”
General Motors would not comment on plans for a competing vehicle, but an anonymous company representative named Fred told Autoblopnik that Chevrolet is considering an 11-liter, 1200 horsepower version of the Camaro to be called the Purgatorychicken.