Ford Motor Company today confirmed that Henry Ford rose from the grave last week in order to discuss key strategic issues concerning the auto company that bears his name.
“Mr. Ford wanted more insight into the promotion of Mark Fields to President and CEO,” said Ford spokesfields Sid Deet. “He was concerned that Mr. Field’s appointment was part of a Zionist conspiracy to take over the Ford Motor Company. Once we told him about Mr. Field’s long tenure and significant accomplishments, and assured him that the thing on his head was his hair and not a fancy yarmulke, Mr. Ford expressed both relief and approval.”
Although Fields’ appointment was the primary reason for Mr. Ford’s visit, Deet says he discussed several relevant issues with Ford’s upper management.
“Mr. Ford toured our powertrain engineering facility, and was especially pleased with the new range of EcoBoost™ engines,” said Deet. “He said that we were smart to replace our V6s with turbocharged four-cylinders, since six cylinder engines are inherently untrustworthy.”
Deet says that Henry Ford reiterated his distaste for the UAW and was dismayed to learn that sending thugs to beat up striking workers was now frowned upon. He did, however, approve of the company’s latest line of products.
“When I heard Mr. Ford had risen from the dead just to come see us, I was concerned that he would disapprove of us having so many European-engineered cars in our US lineup,” said Ford’s chief engineer, Chee Fengineer. “But he looked me right in the eye, he did, and said, ‘Chee, a lot of good ideas came out of Europe, especially back in the late 30s and early 40s,’ and then he gave me a big ol’ wink.”
Another Ford insider, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the deceased Mr. Ford expressed little surprise at Lincoln’s poor performance in the luxury marketplace, saying, “I never should have left that good-for-nothing son of mine talk me into buying Henry Lleland out of bankruptcy. That ol’ bastard Hank is still giving me guff about that.”
Deet would neither confirm nor deny this story.
After touring the Dearborn facility, Mr. Ford enjoyed a light lunch with the administrative staff, during which he autographed copies of his book, The International Jew. He then took a brief tour of the latest additions to the Henry Ford Museum before returning to his grave at the Ford Cemetery in Detroit.
“It was a very pleasant visit, and we were delighted and honored to have Mr. Ford visit us from beyond the veil of shadow,” said Deet. “We’ve always said that Henry Ford would approve of how we are running the Ford Motor Company, and now we can definitively say that he does.”