Shades of classic E,
Menacing looks promise speed.
Too bad it won’t start.
- Model/price as tested: 2015 Jaguar F-Type S Coupe, $111,925
- Powertrain: 5.0 liter supercharged V8, 550 hp, rear-wheel-drive
- Performance: 0-60 4.0 seconds, top speed 190 MPH
Disclaimer: Autoblopnik may or may not have been present at a press event to which selected members of the media were invited. Or we might have just looked longingly at an F-Type through a dealer showroom window while we waited for the oil to be changed on our Dodge Colt.
Look out, Prius v!
C-Max will defeat you like
Contour di– oh, wait.
- Model/price as tested: 2013 Ford C-Max Hybrid SEL, $29,940
- Powertrain: 2.0 liter hybrid, 188 hp, front-wheel-drive
- Fuel economy: 47 MPG city/47 MPG highway
Autoblopnik attended a press event for an entirely different car, but then we saw a C-Max on the street and decided to write about it instead because it’s funnier.
Lo, what joy is this?
Balance! Graceful oversteer!
Too bad it’s so slow.
- Model/price as tested: 2013 Scion FR-S, $24,955
- Powertrain: 2.0 liter flat 4, 200 hp, rear-wheel-drive
- Fuel economy: 22-25 MPG city/30-34 MPG highway
Autoblopnik attended a Scion-funded press event using credentials stolen from Barry Winfield. Sorry, Barry, and we hope your head feels better.
Leather so serene,
Chromy glitz, but underneath
It’s just a LaCrosse.
- Model/price as tested: 2013 Cadillac XTS Platinum, $59.080
- Powertrain: 3.6 liter V6, 304 hp, front-wheel-drive
- Fuel economy: 17 MPG city/18 MPG highway
Autoblopnik attended a press preview, to which we were not invited, in order to facilitate this review.
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