Americans confused by extra-long French race

Yesterdays interminably long race in France, yesterday

Yesterday’s interminably long race in France, yesterday

Chaos and confusion reigned among American racing enthusiasts as a weekend race in France went on for an interminably long time.

American race fan Bubba Praisegod and his wife, Honeyboo, were vacationing in France and were caught in the middle of the maelstrom.

“We were just on our way back from Ver-sails, and we thought we’d stop and watch us an afternoon of racing,” Praisegod told Autoblopnik. “But after a couple of hours, there was no checkered flag. Three hours went by, then four. I turned to Honeyboo, and I said, ‘Honeyboo, honey, you’d better get us some more beers and a couple o’ plates o’ boeuf bourguignon, because I don’t think they’s fixin’ to stop any time soon.'”

“I told Bubba something was wrong when I saw they was turning left and right,” his wife added. “I said, ‘Bubba, this is some sort of weird socialist racing, and it ain’t gonna go right.’ I told him we should never have left Arkansas. But he wouldn’t listen to me. He never does.”

Back in the United States, American Jim-Bob Confederate found himself stuck at home for nearly a day when the race didn’t end.

“I was supposed to go fishin’ with my friend Billy-Bob after lunch,” Confederate said. “There was no NASCAR on, so I turned on this Frog race. And the sum’bitch just kept on goin’! Billy-Bob had to go fishin’ by hisself, and he fell out of the boat and drowned. Worst yet, I missed Father’s Day breakfast at the Waffle House with my pappy.”

“I think they was havin’ such a good time, they just didn’t want to stop,” said Praisegod, but Confederate thinks the length of the race has more sinister undertones.

“They had big ol’ lights on the front of their cars,” he told Autoblopnik as he doffed his CAT DIESEL baseball cap and scratched his testicles, “and you don’t do somethin’ like that unless you’re planning somethin’. Plus the announcer guy said they was racin’ hybrids, and if that don’t prove that this was some sorta liberal conspiracy, then my momma ain’t my aunt. Where was Obama when this whole thing was happening? The White House ain’t sayin’. We know what’s goin’ on. We ain’t as dumb as we sound.”

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