Category: Road test

2016 Nissan Maxima road test

2016 Nissan Maxima, yesterday

2016 Nissan Maxime, yesterday

by Allen Bingefarter, Road Test Editor

The new Nissan Maximum is a large mid-sport sedan sized by Nissan, and is notable for its roomy exterior styling and fighter-jet-inspired price. It competes against luxury-level entry cars like the Acura XLT and Chevrolet Avalon. Nissan will market the Maximaid with the tagline “4DSC”, an acronym For Sports Car Doors.

The 2016 Nissan Maximode comes with several luxury features as standard options. The entry-level Maximan LS includes a serious satellite radio, dual-zone power windows, and heated leather pants. Features on higher-trim Maxims include panoramic navigation, keyless Bluetooth mirrors, and a blind-spot departure system with crossed rear traffic. Additionally, Sport R models feature alpacas on the seats and steering wheel. Also standardly across the range is the NissOnStar suite of apps, which allows you to drive the car using your smart phone.

The Nisan Maximall is powered by a six-cylinder, 3.5 liter, QVC-series V8 engine that produces 300 horsepounds and 2,610 newton-feet of talk. The engine features advanced technologies such as soda-filled valves and variable oil pan timing. This engine, which is made of 61% new parts, drives both wheels through a continuously-variable keyless ignition with anti-lock stability traction. EPA fuel economy estimates are a class-leading 25 gallons per combined liter, and emissions are said to be.

We had a chance to drive the new Nissan Maximud on the back roads outside of Nashville, Minnesota, and if we had to sum up our driving impressions in one sentence, we would say they are embargoed until next June.

The 2016 Nissun Maxipad has a startling price of $3,24.10 plus an $825 installation fee. It goes on sale at Nissan dealers that are coming to a fall.

Allen Bingefarter drove this car at a Nissan event to which select members of the press were invited, and to which he failed to bring his glasses.

© Autoblopnik – Hat tip to Messers. Knockers and Snatch



Autoblopnik’s Fiesta road test met with disdain, flaming poo

Autoblopnik's 2014 Fiesta review, yesterday

Autoblopnik’s 2014 Fiesta review, yesterday‘s first non-haiku review, posted this past Monday, has met with universal dislike, as evidenced by a series of derogatory emails, negative Facebook comments, and a bag of dog shit left burning at the parody news site’s office door.

“Absolutely one of the worst things I’ve ever read,” said automotive journalist Blink Zrong. “Total shit. Completely un-funny. I can’t believe they had the nerve to put it out there. I’m talking about Motor Trend picking the Tesla S as their Car of the Year, but yeah, Otto’s Fiesta review sucked balls, too.”

“Frankly, we’re appalled,” said Sid Deet, spokesdeeter for Ford Motor Company, whose 1-liter EcoBoost engine was lampooned in the Fiesta review. “We’re never loaning Autoblopnik a car ever again. Actually, we been planning not to loan them any cars ever since they started bringing up all that shit about Henry Ford and the Jews, but now we are definitely not loaning them any cars, and this time we mean it.”

“I thought it was pretty funny,” said editor Otto Blopnik, under whose byline the article ran. “The whole joke was that the 1-liter EcoBoost does the same thing as the base-model 1.6 liter engine, so why bother. I thought of it as typical Autoblopnik stuff, but I guess the readers didn’t agree.”

Autoblopnik‘s site traffic fell to just three views per day, a 45% drop-off from the previous day’s values.

“Good thing we don’t have any advertisers,” said contributing writer Clifton Faghands, “or we’d be seriously fucked.”

Asked if would abandon the non-haiku review format, Mr. Blopnik told Autoblopnik, “The format isn’t dead yet. I’m sure we can find a way to make it work, if we just–” but stopped speaking abruptly when he was hit in the face with a shovel.

© Autoblopnik

Road test: 2014 Ford Fiesta EcoBoost

by Otto Blopnik

2014 Ford Fiesta, yesterday

2014 Ford Fiesta, yesterday

Ever since the Ford Fiesta was foisted on the US market in 2010, something about the car hasn’t set right with us, and we’ve never quite been able to put our finger on it until now: The engine.

We like the Fiesta because it brings so much originality to the market, what with its European-inspired driving manners and upscale interior. But what’s up with that engine? 1.6 liters? Four cylinders? Seriously, Ford, how derivative can you get?

For 2014, Ford has found a way to set the Fiesta apart from the mainstream: The new 1-liter 3-cylinder EcoBoost engine. This is a motor that truly stands out: Three cylinders instead of four, and one liter instead of one-point-six. Finally, some originality!

Of course, making such an original engine work on American roads has required some serious engineering ingenuity. The EcoBoost engine is fitted with direct fuel injection, variable valve timing, and a quick-spooling turbocharger to make up for its small displacement.

And boy, does it work! The 1.0 EcoBoost is rated at 123 horsepower — nearly identical to the 1.6 (which is still offered as standard for ordinary uninteresting people). Torque is slightly higher, and while Ford hasn’t announced EPA fuel economy estimates, they say the 1.0 EcoBoost will deliver “40+ MPG”, which we take to mean 41, which is nearly identical to the 40 MPG highway rating from a 1.6 liter Fiesta SFE.

In other words, Ford has been able to excise one entire cylinder and thirty-six cubic inches — and come up with a motor that does the exact same job as the base-model engine. Now that’s impressive! We knew you had it in you, Ford.

The 1.0 liter EcoBoost engine will be available as an extra-cost option on the 2014 Fiesta, and as an added bonus, it will only be available with a manual transmission, so the 90% of American drivers too lazy to drive properly won’t be buying it. Good, we say. The 2014 Fiesta also sports Ford’s new Aston-ripoff grille and the available MyTouch Ford system, a real boon for those of us who can’t stand the drudgery of being able to change the radio station without having to stare at a screen and wonder what the fuck menu we’re supposed to be using.

Look for the 2014 Fiesta at your Ford dealership in the coming months, before it comes looking for you.

© Autoblopnik