PR flack leaves industry, speaks her mind

Bev Bragalicious and a journalist, yesterday

Bev Bragalicious with a journalist, yesterday

PR spokesbabe Bev Bragalicious recently announced that she will be leaving her position with Mazda a major Japanese automaker, and has decided to tell journalists exactly what she thinks of them and the industry.

“Now that I need no longer worry about the consequences of speaking freely, I can finally say what’s on my mind,” Bragalicious told Autoblopnik.com in an exclusive interview. “And I just want to say that you’re all a bunch of really great people and I’m going to miss you terribly.”

“Bragalicious was one of the finest bloody cat-herders we ever employed, wot,” said Mazda some Japanese car company spokesbrit Sir Jeremy Barns-Wilkington Pembroke XVII, Fourth Earl of Irvine-on-Dumpster. “When we were trying to convince people that the Mazdaspeed3’s torque steer was a good thing, Bev went out and actually bought one of the sodding things. She could have had a GTI, and yet she blew twenty-five grand on that crap-can in the name of PR. Now that’s impressive. Or stupid. Take your pick, guv.”

We asked Bragalicious if it was hard to keep her feelings to herself during her tenure as a bullshit artist public relations spokeswoman.

“Of course it was difficult,” she said. “There I was telling the journalists they were a bunch of freeloading worthless whiners who did nothing but waste my time, when the truth was I just wanted to tell them what a wonderful group of people they were and how much I loved them. It’s emotionally exhausting to glare at people and pretend you’re going to punch them in the throat when what you really want to do is give them a great big hug.

“Although I spent my entire career pretending I hated everyone and everything,” she continued, “the truth is that there isn’t a single journalist I wouldn’t invite over to my house for a beer and a hand job. Well, except for Don Bufamante.”

Autoblopnik.com wishes The Braga the best of luck in her future endeavors. You will be missed. And you’ll probably be back to kick our asses.

 

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