Study says BMW owners are not selfish assholes

Selfish asshole? New survey indicates otherwise

Selfish asshole? New survey indicates otherwise

BMW North America today gleefully released the results of a study they say provides conclusive proof that BMW owners are not selfish assholes.

The study, based on a survey conducted by Trenton Community College’s prestigious Howard B. Fingenfinger School of Hotel Management and Custodial Arts, asked a sample of 5,000 American drivers to pick from a list the term that best described people who own and drive BMWs.

“Self-absorbed dickheads” was the #1 answer, chosen by 31.1% of respondents, followed by “image-obsessed egomaniacs” (23.6%) and “narcissistic social climbers” (20.4%). “Selfish assholes” was selected by 14.2% of repondants, followed closely by “chronic masturbators” at 8.1%. “Car enthusiasts” and “beautiful people with better lives than you” together totaled just under 2%, which happens to correspond to BMW’s market share in the United States.

“This survey shows that the vast majority of Americans, nearly 4/5ths of the population, do not think BMW owners are selfish assholes,” said BMW spokesman Harold Twit-Fetish. “While a few isolated critics may choose to use such derogatory language to describe our customers, this survey proves that the majority of American drivers don’t, and in America, majority rules.”

When asked by Autoblopnik about the other descriptions chosen by the majority of respondands, Twit-Fetish said, “Oh, they’re probably just jealous, driving around in their Japanese shitboxes with their uninteresting spouses and their sad little lives.”

© 2012 Autoblopnik

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