What’s New for 2014: Acura, BMW, Buick

Autoblopnik.com brings you the latest updates for the 2014 model year.

2014 Acura MDX, yesterday

2014 Acura MDX, yesterday

ACURA

MDX: Redesigned, now with an infotainment suite that only requires a masters degree in electronics engineering, rather than a Ph. D.

RLX: All-new model with a V8 engine and rear-wheel-drive. Whoops, sorry, that belongs in the article “What Acura should do for 2014 if they want to sell cars.”

TSX: Billed as all-new from the ground up. Actually unchanged from 2013, but since Acura didn’t sell any last year, no one will know the difference.

BMW

3-Series: Now available as a wagon with a 4-cylinder diesel engine, causing auto writers to spill more seed than topless photos of Danica Patrick.

4-Series: Replaces the 3-Series coupe. Analysts expect sales to drop slightly due to high number of current 3-Series owners who cannot count that high.

6-Series: New four-door Gran Coupe model joins the lineup in response to a $20 bet BMW made with Mercedes that they could introduce a vehicle that makes no sense with a name that completely breaks their nomenclature, and still find a few thousand suckers to buy it.

X1: New undersized, overpried CUV that BMW expects will repeat the success of the 1-Series.

BUICK

LaCrosse: A large-print speedometer is now optional in all models, and the CXL gains a standard Geritol dispenser.

Regal GS: In order to reduce the effects of torque steer, buyers can opt for either all-wheel-drive or having a group of Buick employees repave all the roads in your neighborhood so they curve slightly to the left.

More 2014 updates coming soon… but probably not soon enough.

© Autoblopnik

Advertisements