General Motors is preparing for Mary Barra to take over as the first female CEO in the company’s 106-year history.
“There’s this perception that General Motors is run by boring old white men in boring gray suits,” said General Motors spokesuit Teddy “Free” Rhadical. “Now the world will see General Motors being run by a woman in a skirt. And let me tell you, when Mary wears a skirt, it sure as hell ain’t boring! High five! You know what I’m talkin’ about!”
Current CEO Dan Ackerson told Autoblopnik he firmly believes that Barra is the woman who is most qualified to run GM.
“Mary has a bachelor’s degree in electrical engineering, an MBA from Stanford, and a caboose that could make the Pope stay home from mass,” he said. “Let’s just say she’s perfect for the head position! Get it? Head position? Yeah, baby! Lemmie tell you, the Virgin Mary, she ain’t!”
Cardigan immediately denied that Ackerson’s comments implied any form of personal relationship between Barra and Ackerson.
“Listen, even if Dan did nail that tail — and I’m not in any way saying he did, but could you blame him for trying? — the fact is you cannot sleep your way to the top of General Motors. Just ask Carlos Tavares.”
“Truth is, there’s never been a better time to have a gal run General Motors,” Ackerson said. “We’ve redesigned the bulk of our most significant vehicles, and we have enough new product in the pipeline to carry us through 2016. The government loans are just about repaid and the ledger looks good. We can coast for the next couple of years while the little lady takes the helm. Of course, once we get to the point where we need to do some heavy lifting, we’ll give her a golden pat on the ass and put a man back in charge.”
UPDATE: Um, yeah, so… the purpose of this article was to point out the inherent sexism in an industry which is chock full of talented female executives and has been for some years, and yet is only just now getting around to putting one in charge. A few people saw it as sexist and misogynistic, and a bunch more saw it in poor taste. Apologies to all who found it offensive. — Otto