After months of saying only that the upcoming 2016 Shelby GT350’s 5.2 liter flat-plane-crank engine would produce “over 500 horsepower,” Ford today announced the supercar’s official power output.
“Officially, the 2016 Ford Shelby GT350 will produce over 500 horsepower,” said Ford’s Vice Officer of Ridiculously Powerful Cars, Sheldon Branson “Shel B.” Geeteetreefiddy.
“Because really there’s no point,” Geeteetreefiddy said when asked the obvious question. “A few geekholes are going to actually dyno-test the thing, and they’re all going to come up with slightly different numbers anyway because the outside temperature is to low and the humidity is too high and a squirrel farted on the rollers and they don’t know how to run a dyno and it’s the third Thursday of the fourth month with an R in the name. As for the rest of the buyers, most wouldn’t be able to tell a 400 horsepower car from a 500 horsepower car or a 600 horsepower car or even a seven trillion horsepower car. All they know is that it’s really, really friggin’ fast. So why bother with a number?”
Geeteetreefiddy said that by not certifying a horsepower figure, Ford was able to cut nearly $600 from the Shelby GT350’s development cost.
“That alone will pay for the upcoming Explorer redesign,” he added.
Asked if perhaps Ford did not know the exact power output for the new uber-Mustang, Geeteetreefiddy responded, “What? That’s ridiculous! Of course we – how could you say such a thing? We – yes, we know it, of course we do, I can’t believe you would imply that, um, it’s just that these things are highly technical, you know. Hey, ever see a carbon-fiber hood before it’s been painted?”
Meanwhile, other Ford divisions are considering adapting a similar strategy for model lines. Starting in 2017, for example, Ford plans to say that all of its EcoBoost models are EPA-rated at “over five miles per gallon”.