President Trump attended the Chicago Auto Show and was his typical Twitterific self.
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Organizers of the North American International Auto Show are being praised for a new press conference schedule that brought maximum levels of inconvenience to the journalists attending the show.

“The NAIAS organizers crammed all of the useful press conferences into the first day, and filled the second day with irrelevant crap that no one cares about,” explained Mart Phellic, President of the North American Press Conference of the Year committee. “On the surface, that seems like it would be more convenient, but they also waited until everyone had booked airline tickets and hotels before releasing the schedule. That’s the really ingenious bit: Once everyone realized the second day was a complete soul-sucking waste of time, it was too late to back out.”

“It was a real challenge to make the Detroit show less pleasant for the journalists who have to attend,” said Detroit show organizer D. Troy Tcho-Orgenizur. “We already hold it in the middle of winter when it’s twelve degrees and snowy in a miserable gray city that looks like a cross between a slum and a war zone. But we think we’ve really stumbled upon something innovative.”

The change brought praise from organizers of other major auto shows.

“This is a bold move by our colleagues in Detroit,” said Chicago Auto Show manager D. Pdich Peetza. “Frankly, we don’t know how we could match this level of annoyingness, other than perhaps punching each and every attendee in the throat every time a speaker at a press conference uses the words ‘autonomous’ or ‘connected’.”

“We thought we had an edge by staging the show in halls that are two miles apart and then alternating press conferences between them,” said New York Auto Show organizer James “Jimmy Two Noses” Banazzo. “Detroit has us beat hands down.”

“Dude, wha…?” said Los Angeles International Auto Show organizer Paulie Reefer.

Tcho-Orgenizur denied that NAIAS was morphing into the Los Angeles show, but added, “With the huge number of irrelevant press conferences and ridiculously early starting times, plus the way the word ‘mobility’ was heard once every three seconds for the entire two days, we understand how someone could get that impression.

“Sure, the old proven format of press conferences evenly spaced out over two days has worked just fine for the last couple of decades,” he added. “But where’s the fun in that?”

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The Detroit Auto Show (officially known as the Northern American Internacional Auto Shell) takes place every January in North America. Here are ten potential facts you probably didn’t know about the show.

1. The Detroit Auto Show was originally named for Otto Shaw, a German immigrant who opened Detroit’s first car dealership, Shaw’s Buy-Here-Pay-Here-No-Credit-No-Problem Oldsmobile on Woodward Avenue. Frequent mispronunciation led to official adoption of the name “Detroit Auto Show” in 1912. A petition was circulated to restore the original name after Shaw’s tragic death in a freak trombone accident.

2) The Detroit Auto Show’s official name was changed to the North American International Auto Show in 1989 when the American auto industry finally figured out that other countries made cars.

C: Setting up for the Detroit Auto Show involves the installation of over 75,000 square feet of carpet, 450,000 individual light bulbs, 750 miles of audio-visual cabling, and two dimly-lit signs directing you from the parking lot to the exhibit halls.

2²– The Detroit Auto Show was held at the Michigan State Fairgrounds until 1965. It was moved to the newly-constructed Cobo Hall (now Cobo Center) when show organizers realized that looking at new cars outdoors when it’s three below zero with five feet of snow on the ground is fucking miserable.

15÷3. Cobo Center is named for former Detroit mayor Albert Cobo, who campaigned against racial integration of Detroit’s neighborhoods*. Cobo Center is painted white in his honor.**

* Unfortunately, this isn’t a joke.
** This is supposed to be a joke, but the place has never been painted any other color. I’m just sayin’.

Episode VI: It is estimated that some 6,500 square miles of interior trim pieces are carefully measured and photographed by industrial spies at the Detroit Auto Show each year. Rather than ban non-journalist attendees, show organizers have asked them to limit their activities to those brief intervals when legitimate journalists are attempting to photograph the vehicles.

0000111. In the late 1970s, there were so many muggings around Cobo Hall that the City of Detroit organized a lottery system for perpetrators. The Detroit People Mover opened in 1987, allowing auto show attendees a convenient way to be victimized in other areas of the city.

10) The Detroit Auto Show’s dad could totally beat up the Chicago Auto Show’s dad.

Nine: Overflow parking for Cobo Arena is at the Joe Lewis Arena parking lot, which is conveniently located next to Madison Square Garden in New York City.

X: Show organizers had to lower the cost of parking after locals discovered it was cheaper to buy a house in downtown Detroit and walk to the show.

© Autoblopnik