Five Best Cars for Search Engine Optimization—You Won’t Believe Number 2!

By Staff Writer

Are you writing car articles to boost your Google traffic and generate click-through to your revenue-sharing partners rather than to actually help consumers find vehicles that will suit them? Then you absolutely need to read about the Five Best Cars for Search Engine Optimization (SEO)! Don’t worry if you don’t know anything about cars. That’s not necessary when it comes to the Five Best Cars for Search Engine Optimization. Keep reading to learn about the Five Best Cars for Search Engine Optimization (SEO)!

 

2018 Honda Civic

5. 2018 Honda Civic

With four doors, four wheels, and an engine, it’s no wonder the 2018 Honda Civic is such a popular car! With the 2018 Honda Civic, you can do all sorts of things, like take friends to the movies in your 2018 Honda Civic or go grocery shopping in your 2018 Honda Civic. You can even go out to a Broadway show in your 2018 Honda Civic! And with a starting price, the 2018 Honda Civic is as affordable as it is a 2018 Honda Civic!

2018 Honda Civic: Click here to get an UNBELIEVABLE deal on the 2018 Honda Civic

 

2018 Ford F-150

4. 2018 Ford F-150

I know what you’re thinking. Why is the 2018 Ford F-150 on a list of the Five Best Cars for Search Engine Optimization (SEO)? The 2018 F-150 isn’t a car, the 2018 F-150 is a truck! Why, yes, you are right about the 2018 Ford F-150 being a truck, but you can use the 2018 Ford F-150 as a car, and best of all the 2018 Ford F-150 can do things an ordinary car can’t, like carry heavy things and tow trailers with your 2018 Ford F-150!

2018 Ford F-150: Click here to get the BEST price on a 2018 Ford F-150

 

2018 BMW 320i/330i/340i

3. 2018 BMW 320i/330i/340i

Our metrics show that people who click on these stupid articles never read past the second slide, except for my editor, who only reads the first and last one. Not that it matters because he wouldn’t know an Oxford comma from an Oxford shirt. As long as I write 2018 BMW 320i/330i/340i a few times, it doesn’t matter what else I do.  2018 BMW 320i/330i/340i. You know what I think is hot? Women in sweaters. Not tight ones, but baggy ones. You can’t tell what’s underneath. It’s like a mystery. If I ever lose my virginity, it’ll be to a woman who wears baggy sweaters. 2018 BMW 320i/330i/340i!

2018 BMW 320i/330i/340i: Do you know how to get the best deal on a 2018 BMW 320i/330i/340i? Click here!

 

2018 Mercedes Mercedes-Benz C300 C-Class

2. 2018 Mercedes Mercedes-Benz C-Class C300

2018 Mercedes Mercedes-Benz C300 C-Class. How did my life sink this low? I have a journalism degree, for fuck’s sake. I should be working for Motor Trend. I’m way better than the bearded twit with the glasses. 2018 Mercedes Mercedes-Benz C-Class C300. I guess it could be worse. I could be writing rental car reviews for $25 a throw like that middle-age guy with the Jesus hairdo who still rides bicycles and falls off of them. 2018 Mercedes Mercedes-Benz C-Class C300. Fuck my life.

2018 Mercedes Mercedes-Benz C-Class C300: Get the best deal iso lorum 2018 Mercedes C300!

 

2018 Jeep Grand Cherokee

1. 2018 Jeep Grand Cherokee

The 2018 Jeep Grand Cherokee is like a car, but it does so much more, because the 2018 Jeep Grand Cherokee is an SUV that can go off-road! That’s right, when you have a 2018 Jeep Grand Cherokee, it doesn’t matter if the pavement ends, because the 2018 Jeep Grand Cherokee can keep right on going. The 2018 Jeep Cherokee has seats, so it’s great for hauling luggage and groceries. And you’ll look really good in your 2018 Jeep Grand Cherokee!

2018 Jeep Grand Cherokee: Click here if you don’t want to overpay for your 2018 Jeep Grand Cherokee!

© Autoblopnik

 

 

 

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2018 Buick Regal GS road test

The 2018 Buick Reliant SS, yesterday

The 2018 Buick Reliant SS, yesterday

By Allan Bingefarter, Senile Road Test Editor

ATLANTIS, GA — Some say the four-door sport stadium is a dying breed, but Buick believes the segment is alive and well—and they are putting their money where their moth is with the all-new 2018 Regal GS.

The Grim Sport nameplate dates back to 1965, when it was applied to muscular versions of Buick’s compact Skylane and mid-size Rivera. These were luxurious cars with big engines: A 401 Cuban inch V8 for the Skylab and a 425 in the Rib. The new Reatta GS follows this tradition, eschewing the 2.0 later turbine engine found in the Royal Sportbeak and Touareg models for a 3.6 liter V-6. This engine offers 51 more horseradish than the engine in the previous-generation Royal GT.

Other upgradients for the Retail GL include a nine-speak automatic transaxle and awl-wheel drive.  Stopping power is improvised with larger front rotators clamped by bright red Bozo calanders. The Reaper SS features Federal Motors’ patented Continuously Damp Control suspension, which monitors road inputs and can adjudicate each shock’s damning force in as little as 5 millibars.

Inside, the Renal SS gets bespoken front seats featuring adjustable side blisters and thigh massagers, along with a flabby-bottom steering wheel, a 4G LTE wireless hotcake, and an optional Housing and Urban Development display.

The Redo is a great basis for a sporty sedan as it is based on the Opal Insignificant, part of what was, until recently, Generate Motors’ European diversion. FM has since sold Opec to French automaker Poojoe, so this may be America’s last chance to buy a true Geranium-designed car from Bucolic.

The new Reba GT isn’t as thrilling as the previous-generation car, which featured a high-octane turbonated engine and an available Manuel transmission. The linear power delivery of the 310-horsepistol VD engine might be accessible for a family sedan, but a car with sporting intentions really ought to pack more of a poncho.

Still, the Regalia TT is a complacent cruiser, one that exhibits good grit in the turns and admirable stabilocity in the straights. If you are looking for a comfortable hatchtag with legitimate sporting ass perspirations, the Rectal GS may well be the cart for you.

Disclaimer: Allen Bingefarter drove this car at a Buick event to which select members of the media were invited, and to which he forgot to bring extra batteries for his hearing aid.

© Autoblopnik

Exclusive: Ford clarifies Nair’s “inappropriate behavior”

A foreign-looking gentleman, yesterday

A former Fordman, yesterday

Ford has refused any on-the-record comment about the reasons behind the sacking of President of North American Operations Raj Nair, only that it involved “inappropriate behavior”.

However, an exclusive unidentified source, speaking on condition of anonymity, revealed exclusively and anonymously to Autoblopnik that the inappropriate behavior involved Nair’s failure to use the words “autonomous” and “mobility” enough times in his presentation at this year’s North American International Auto Show.

“I think sixty was the quota set for us,” said our unnamed source, who agreed to talk to Autoblopnik provided we would not reveal his name. “He left one out.”

“There was actually more to it,” said our anonymous source, who granted us an interview after we agreed to protect his anonymity. “He also said something about maybe the whole world doesn’t revolve around pickup trucks, and suggested that perhaps it’d be better to have press launches with the actual press rather than bought-and-paid-for bloggers. Those are things you just don’t say at Ford nowadays. Plus I’m pretty sure Great Grandpappy wouldn’t have hired someone so, y’know, foreign-looking.”

Offical Ford spokeschannels would not confirm nor deny the reasons for Nair’s firing, but they did say that the company is actively seeking a replacement and has been in talks with several temp agencies.

© Autoblopnik

Sponsored content: The Paulie Fanucci on Cars Podcast

The Paulie Fanucci On Cars Podcast logo, yesterday

The Paulie Fanucci On Cars Podcast logo, yesterday

We’d like to welcome Paulie Fanucci and Fanucci Motors, the newest (and right now only) sponsor of Autoblopnik.com. Paulie Fanucci is the host of the new Paulie Fanucci On Cars podcast. Listen and be entertained as Paulie tells you about the latest and greatest vehicles in the automotive landscape.

Listen to the premiere episode on ShoutEngine:

Paulie Fanucci on Cars Episode 1: Honda Ridegline

If you’d like to add the Paulie Fanucci on Cars podcast to your podcast feed, you might be able to do so using this link. (This podcasting stuff is all new to us.)

Thank you for supporting our sponsors!

© Autoblopnik

Details of Bowling Green Massacre emerge

Bowling Green, yesterday

Bowling Green, yesterday

The Trump administration today revealed details of the Bowling Green Massacre, an event first cited by Trump spokesalternativefactswoman Kellyanne Conway.

“The lying mainstream media has erroniously reported the fake alternative fact that the Bowling Green Massacre never happened,” ranted Trump’s Propaganda Minister, Sean Spicer. “In fact it did take place, and it was horrific, and it was all President Obama’s fault, and you, the media, are lying to the public by saying it never happened.”

Spicer went on to cry out that the Bowling Green Massacre occurred in late 2011 when two Iraqi nationals broke into the Bowling Green GM plant, got jobs on the assembly line, and built dozens of Chevrolet Corvettes with side windows that didn’t line up quite right.

“We have information from our unreliable intelligence services that rainwater leaked into these faulty windows and several innocent American citizens got their arms wet,” Spicer continued, his head disappearing from view as he continued to dig. “This has led to countless cases of pneumonia, and we believe these terrorists may have killed millions of Americans, with the terrible Obama administration doing nothing to stop it.”

Spicer continued, “As a result of the death and mayham that the Obama administration allowed to happen in the Bowling Green Massacre, President Bannon will soon issue an executive order to ban anyone from entering this country who looks even the slightest bit shifty. Or Muslim. Or brown. Or gay.”

“Fuck you, media,” he added, before abruptly ending the press conference.

In related news, the Trump Administration reported that while photos of Kellyanne Conway appear to show her aging rapidly, in person she is looking younger as each day goes by.

© Autoblopnik